In response to "Before the Number Changes" by Single Dad Laughing ~ Mom Blog ~

Click here to read Single Dad Laughing's blog post:
Before the number changes

In his blog posting today, time was the main reference. He referred to time being a 'yesterday', a 'now',
 and a 'tomorrow', and that time is really just a number and we should not let it be a main focus of our lives, especially when it means we let traumatic past events determine how we perceive the now. Our main focus should be the present and the future, and we should forget about the past whether it be good or bad.  Forget?  The Bad and the Good? That's right.  I was going along with some of what was said until I got to the part that read,

"Which may cause you to ask yourself, what about the beautiful things of the past? What about the incredible, miraculous, kind, loving, wonderful events that have already happened? Guess what... they don't exist either."

You see, my thinking goes something like this...

I am who I am today based on the events of my past, whether they be good or bad. Any bad events (lucky that I haven't experienced too many traumatic events), would hopefully help me to become a better, stronger person in the now and future. Living only in the 'now' is simply not a realistic , nor healthy in my opinion, way to live one's life.

The posting makes reference to time being a major focus of our life and to some point, I agree with that. Time does tend to be a dictator of sorts, but I really don't think there is any getting around that. We can learn to manage it, but time is not going away.

My main problem with time, is there simply is not enough of it. We rush, rush, rush, trying to fit everything into a given time frame.  We push ourselves to try and meet deadlines, or we have to pick the kids up by a certain time and then get them to practice by the scheduled time.  I put the brownies in the oven for the directed length of time and then I take them out right before it's time to put the kids to bed.  I have said many times, "If only there was more time in a day."

I think it's time I move on to my next point.

Forget about the good.

Are you kidding me?

If I forgot about the good, that means events such as the ones below would not exist:

• enjoying the swimming pool as a child ( I still think about it when I open a bag of barbecue chips)
• the best ice cream desserts with my grandparents (always nuts and whipped cream)
• spending weekends with my dad (shopping trips and dinners out)
• graduating from college, getting my master's degree
• my wedding day (all the planning, the ceremony, guests, and the 'I do')
• finding out I was expecting my kids and then the births (such excitement)
• buying the houses I have lived in
• the list goes on and on

For many of these events I actually have photographs to help me remember. Photos can capture a moment in time. I have photos of my college graduation, my wedding, my kids birth and their stages of life. These are moments I never want to forget. They are happy moments of my past.  If we throw out the past, that means every happy photo one has ever taken should be thrown out too. If a fire were to start in my house and I had to grab one materialistic possession, it would be my big box of photos. Why? Because this box captures the past, so I can remember it in the now and the future.

If you are a follower of Single Dad Laughing's blog, you are familiar with the fact that he is a photographer.  He takes awesome photos!! He captures the events of his life, his son's, and shares these past events with his blog followers. Is it now time to put up the camera? Are life events no longer worthy of capturing... freezing this moment in time?  I would like to think not.  It's just a point to think about..... playing 'devil's advocate', so to speak.

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In Response to "Worthless Women and the Men Who Make Them" by Single Dad Laughing ~ Mom Blog ~

Click here to read Single Dad Laughing's blog posting: Worthless Women and the Men Who Make Them

I am sorry for the world depicted in the blog... one where women are not appreciated and honored. A world where women are not seen as equal and women feel it necessary to have self hatred as a direct result of the men in their lives.

Fortunately, that is not the same world I live in. Although there are many women that can relate to this posting, quite frankly, I think that most women would agree that the ideas expressed do not reflect their world. I might add that I don't live in a world of candy and roses, but the phrases and terminology  used seemed to have hints of one's own personal struggle with women rather than being reflective of the men of the world.

All men seem to have been lumped into this one category....having no respect for the 'real' woman. Some  wording that caught my attention was "women are",  "Guys, it's our fault", "forward this to every man you know", "make a bold declaration against everything we've ever been taught", "destroyed the beauty", "They can't be all of it. Not naturally", "They feel our belief that they are the weaker sex",  "It is because of us", "I am losing my attraction for women", ( I, I, I, I) "We want what we can never have" (We, We, We, We), "We are all screwed up" " Media made me this way", "Media has made ALL men this way."

.... okay, enough already!

I think my number one problem with this posting is that it is directed to ALL men. Forward this to "all men you know" , "Media has made ALL men this way", or "We are ALL screwed up."

I am here to say that not ALL men are this way!

Many men are self respecting, female honoring, wife loving, mother cherishing MEN. They do not find women the weaker sex. They do not find the unnatural to be sexy. They don't want what they can never have. They are very happy with what they do have. They simply are not all screwed up.

So, my kudos are going out to all of the wonderful men in this world... men like my dad, my grandfathers, my brother, the in laws and so many more men I have come in contact with.......most importantly, my fantastic husband.  I thank him for the seventeen years of marriage, the three kids, and for loving ME... the REAL me!

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In Response to Single Dad Laughing's Post on Bullying ~Mom Blog~

Blog Title from Single Dad Laughing:  Click to read the article, Are we all talk, or are we going to fix this? Less Talk, More Walk

You also need to understand that A LOT is being done in order to speak out against bullying.  I have been an elementary educator for nearly 20 years. The majority of my years have been in third-fourth grades, the years when you will actually see some 'teasing' start to take place.  Of course, this simple childish teasing is what could eventually turn into the bullying you are making reference to.

Bullying is nothing to make light of.
Bullying is not childish teasing.
Bullying should not be tolerated!

You are right when you say that "WE", parents/adults/teachers, etc. should reach out to the bullies. They are in need of something, and we should be there to help them. The teachers I know do speak up. The counselors in schools do reach out. The parents I know do want change. Character education is being taught. I have sat in on many lessons dealing with the topic of bullying. The focus is on the bully and the one being bullied.

You make many good points in your blog, but do not lose sight that it is also absolutely necessary to build strength in the one being bullied. Remember, these are the ones that are choosing to end their lives. One group though has been left out.

One particular group you have not made reference to is the 'audience'... AKA... the people that witness or watch the bullying take place.  This group of kids also falls victim to the bully.  They need to be taught to stand up and speak out. You see, the kids that become the audience are not typically kids that would bully on their own. They would typically never start a bullying act. They need to be taught to recognize the act of bullying  and then taught the skills needed to stand up and speak out. They need to feel comfortable going to a teacher, going to a parent, or quite frankly speak up to the bully himself. Kids can do this, I have seen it, and it can work.

The problem with bullying is that it is like a game. No, I am not referring to a child's board game, and I am not making light of bullying when I say a game.  But the reality is, it is like a game of the mind.  A bully tends to seek out the vulnerable kid, the one who is least likely to stand up for themselves.  The quiet kid. The one that is a tad different. In order to make the bully feel the power, acceptance, or whatever it is that a bully seeks, he thrives when he has an audience.

A bully is indeed seeking something, as you say.  They are in need of something, yes, I agree. They are looking for power, acceptance, control, or something else. The reasons a bully bullies are different, but if a bully does not feel that 'satisfaction' they are seeking, or if they do not gain the 'acceptance' they are looking for, the game is lost. If the bully does not get the laughs from his audience or the quiet acceptance of just having the audience watch, the game is lost.

A child being bullied often times does not speak up, they don't use their voice. They don't go to a teacher, they don't tell a parent, and therefore the problem is compounded. Day after day. The weak become weaker, and the bully becomes stronger, or so he thinks he does. After all, remember, the bully sought out the weak to begin with. The weak are less inclined to speak up.

There are many aspects to the topic of bullying, and you have made many valid points in your promotion of reaching out to the bully himself.  In the end though, the game is not going to be won if you simply place focus on the bully himself.  Bullying is a team sport. Remember, it is like a game. There is no "I" in team. Every person  involved plays a role in this problem and in winning this terrible game called bullying.... the bully, the bullied, and the audience.