In response to "Before the Number Changes" by Single Dad Laughing ~ Mom Blog ~ | Mom Blog: written by a teacher-mom, but not just for moms- a blog for everyone

Monday, November 1, 2010

In response to "Before the Number Changes" by Single Dad Laughing ~ Mom Blog ~

Click here to read Single Dad Laughing's blog post:
Before the number changes

responding to Single Dad Laughing

In his blog posting today, time was the main reference. He referred to time being a 'yesterday', a 'now',
 and a 'tomorrow', and that time is really just a number and we should not let it be a main focus of our lives, especially when it means we let traumatic past events determine how we perceive the now. Our main focus should be the present and the future, and we should forget about the past whether it be good or bad.  Forget?  The Bad and the Good? That's right.  I was going along with some of what was said until I got to the part that read,

"Which may cause you to ask yourself, what about the beautiful things of the past? What about the incredible, miraculous, kind, loving, wonderful events that have already happened? Guess what... they don't exist either."

You see, my thinking goes something like this...

I am who I am today based on the events of my past, whether they be good or bad. Any bad events (lucky that I haven't experienced too many traumatic events), would hopefully help me to become a better, stronger person in the now and future. Living only in the 'now' is simply not a realistic , nor healthy in my opinion, way to live one's life.

The posting makes reference to time being a major focus of our life and to some point, I agree with that. Time does tend to be a dictator of sorts, but I really don't think there is any getting around that. We can learn to manage it, but time is not going away.

My main problem with time, is there simply is not enough of it. We rush, rush, rush, trying to fit everything into a given time frame.  We push ourselves to try and meet deadlines, or we have to pick the kids up by a certain time and then get them to practice by the scheduled time.  I put the brownies in the oven for the directed length of time and then I take them out right before it's time to put the kids to bed.  I have said many times, "If only there was more time in a day."

I think it's time I move on to my next point.

Forget about the good.

Are you kidding me?

If I forgot about the good, that means events such as the ones below would not exist:
  • enjoying the swimming pool as a child ( I still think about it when I open a bag of barbecue chips)
  • the best ice cream desserts with my grandparents (always nuts and whipped cream)
  • spending weekends with my dad (shopping trips and dinners out)
  • graduating from college, getting my master's degree
  • my wedding day (all the planning, the ceremony, guests, and the 'I do')
  • finding out I was expecting my kids and then the births (such excitement)
  • buying the houses I have lived in
  • the list goes on and on
For many of these events I actually have photographs to help me remember. Photos can capture a moment in time. I have photos of my college graduation, my wedding, my kids birth and their stages of life. These are moments I never want to forget. They are happy moments of my past.  If we throw out the past, that means every happy photo one has ever taken should be thrown out too. If a fire were to start in my house and I had to grab one materialistic possession, it would be my big box of photos. Why? Because this box captures the past, so I can remember it in the now and the future.

If you are a follower of Single Dad Laughing's blog, you are familiar with the fact that he is a photographer.  He takes awesome photos!! He captures the events of his life, his son's, and shares these past events with his blog followers. Is it now time to put up the camera? Are life events no longer worthy of capturing... freezing this moment in time?  I would like to think not.  It's just a point to think about..... playing 'devil's advocate', so to speak.
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3 comments:

Devoted Daddy said...

Hi Molly, well I agree, disagree and agree 

AGREE: We are who we are because of the past (and hopefully because of the dreams we have for the future.) You can’t just walk up to a huge mountain and tell it, “hey guess what, nothing before now is real” and expect the mountain to pop back into what it once was. And even more unrealistically you can’t tell a human being with a lifetime of memories that their memories don’t exist.
Take for instance the smell of telephone poles in the sun. I know it’s a weird analogy but stick with me. Every time I smell a telephone pole baking in the sun (you know that warm asphalt woody smell? To me it’s kind of a sharp odor at first but it slowly mellows as it hits the back of your throat) anyway, every time I smell that smell, I remember Worlds of Fun. Its summertime in 1986 and it’s all hot and humid. I’m there with my parents and my dad takes me on the car driving ride. (It was the one that has old model T style cars with rails so you can actually drive but you can’t wreck.) So my dad let’s me drive the car and my mom and one of my younger sisters are riding in the car in front of us. Let me tell you I was feelin like a million bucks and was jerking the car around like the space shuttle on reentry, but it was soooo much fun……with that having been said, that memory exists just like my past exists. Regardless of the fact that I am not currently at Worlds of Fun and that it is not currently 1986, that memory exists and to say it doesn’t is like saying there aren’t any files on the hard drive of my computer. Yes I have to double-click to access them, but that doesn’t make them any less real.
DISAGREE: I disagree that there isn’t enough time. I think that we have enough time to accomplish exactly what we are suppose to accomplish and often times (myself triple-included) we take on more than we should. I read a good devotional once that said, “if you don’t have 15 minutes to spend with God a day, you are busy than He ever wanted you to be.” Ouch, at the time (and let’s not lie here these days as well) I struggle to find those 15 minutes. But it’s because of the decisions I make that I rush out the door wearing mismatched shoes and drinking coffee for breakfast because I don’t have time to sit down and eat right.
AGREE: wow, talk about hitting the nail on the head with the whole photographer thing. If it doesn’t exist, then you might as well have pictures of unicorns and pixie-dust on your wall. Good point!
All in all I think we understand what SDL is trying (in an over-generalizational manner) to get across. People that let their self worth be damaged or ruined by negative events in their past need to learn to get past it and move forward to ensure their own happiness and quality of life. Telling someone to forget the past completely though? Unreasonable and unrealistic. I was abused as a kid, (not by my parents) and I wouldn’t ever forget that, simply for the fact that I can now be empathetic towards other people in pain, and I can help them find a way to deal with what’s going on in their life. Forget that, and my abuser wins.

Molly said...

Thanks for the comment! It's interesting how scent memory works. I have read up alittle on that before.
I agree with the 15 minutes given to devotion. I surely shouldn't be blogging if I can't devote 15 minutes to the important things in life.
I actually quit teaching this year to stay home with my son (the unexpected blessing) just so I would be able to devote my time. Otherwise, I would be going crazy feeling stressed trying to find time to get it all done.

Devoted Daddy said...

Hi Molly, well I agree, disagree and agree 

AGREE: We are who we are because of the past (and hopefully because of the dreams we have for the future.) You can’t just walk up to a huge mountain and tell it, “hey guess what, nothing before now is real” and expect the mountain to pop back into what it once was. And even more unrealistically you can’t tell a human being with a lifetime of memories that their memories don’t exist.
Take for instance the smell of telephone poles in the sun. I know it’s a weird analogy but stick with me. Every time I smell a telephone pole baking in the sun (you know that warm asphalt woody smell? To me it’s kind of a sharp odor at first but it slowly mellows as it hits the back of your throat) anyway, every time I smell that smell, I remember Worlds of Fun. Its summertime in 1986 and it’s all hot and humid. I’m there with my parents and my dad takes me on the car driving ride. (It was the one that has old model T style cars with rails so you can actually drive but you can’t wreck.) So my dad let’s me drive the car and my mom and one of my younger sisters are riding in the car in front of us. Let me tell you I was feelin like a million bucks and was jerking the car around like the space shuttle on reentry, but it was soooo much fun……with that having been said, that memory exists just like my past exists. Regardless of the fact that I am not currently at Worlds of Fun and that it is not currently 1986, that memory exists and to say it doesn’t is like saying there aren’t any files on the hard drive of my computer. Yes I have to double-click to access them, but that doesn’t make them any less real.
DISAGREE: I disagree that there isn’t enough time. I think that we have enough time to accomplish exactly what we are suppose to accomplish and often times (myself triple-included) we take on more than we should. I read a good devotional once that said, “if you don’t have 15 minutes to spend with God a day, you are busy than He ever wanted you to be.” Ouch, at the time (and let’s not lie here these days as well) I struggle to find those 15 minutes. But it’s because of the decisions I make that I rush out the door wearing mismatched shoes and drinking coffee for breakfast because I don’t have time to sit down and eat right.
AGREE: wow, talk about hitting the nail on the head with the whole photographer thing. If it doesn’t exist, then you might as well have pictures of unicorns and pixie-dust on your wall. Good point!
All in all I think we understand what SDL is trying (in an over-generalizational manner) to get across. People that let their self worth be damaged or ruined by negative events in their past need to learn to get past it and move forward to ensure their own happiness and quality of life. Telling someone to forget the past completely though? Unreasonable and unrealistic. I was abused as a kid, (not by my parents) and I wouldn’t ever forget that, simply for the fact that I can now be empathetic towards other people in pain, and I can help them find a way to deal with what’s going on in their life. Forget that, and my abuser wins.

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